Anjoola's Website 
Short Stories
Emilio's Surgery
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As an electronically-challenged son of two Italian
chefs, Emilio is awed by a wonderful contraption called the television.
After seeing many interesting advertisements, he decides to get plastic
surgery.
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Once
upon a time there was a shy little boy who was bestowed with the name Emilio.
Now Emilio loved to cook, as his parents were both Italian chefs, and the
passion for cooking ran in the family. Emilio would buy anything and everything related to
cooking, and that included shovels, because shovels were good for eating
cheeeeeeeese. But there was one thing in the world he would never buy:
tomatoes. This was because in seventh grade, when Emilio took it the fifth
time (age 17), there was a minor scuffle about whether a tomato was a fruit
or a vegetable, and whether it was pronounced tomaeto or tomahto. Finally,
the fight ended with the intervention of his physical education teacher, and Emilio
ended up having a time-out in a remote corner of the room. He did not like
it.
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One
day, his parents brought home a sleek, shiny device called a television.
The television was quite interesting, for it contained strange knobs and
wires that protruded the surface. Emilio, fascinated by these appendages,
started to twist and press the strange contraptions. Suddenly - WHIRR!! A
picture came to be on the front side of the device. The picture was
MOVING! Amazed by this strange movement, Emilio scratched his ear. The
moving picture portrayed a man with a white cloth on top of his head. His
hands were moving in a peculiar fashion that one can describe as cooking.
On his shirt, it had the letters "E M I L I O" written in an
appealing green and yellow script. This piqued Emilio's interest. He
watched with extreme delight as the Emilio on the television cooked many
foods, including pasta, pizza, potpourri, pork, pistachio pie, and
pastrami. Though some of the recipes included tomatoes, Emilio no longer noticed the shiny
red fruits that lay to the side of the center of the screen in the center
of the room that was in the left side of the house on the right of the
green house which was in the center of the city that laid in the right side
of the country called Italy which looked like a boot that was on the bottom
of Europe which was on the top of the map of the world in the reference
point of the people in the northern hemisphere. Suddenly,
when the Emilio on the screen was mixing his pasta and pasta sauce with
pasta dressing and pasta toppings, the scene CHANGED!
The
screen was showing a strange moving picture with yellow arches in the
shape of an M. In front of the yellow arch was a scary clown with
excessive makeup. There was music too! It
had a strange tune to it: "Bada-ba-ba-ba! I'm loving it!" The
screen then showed many strange foods; one included a round sandwich with
bread-like things on the
top and bottom, red tomato-like things in the middle, and a strange, brown thing in
the middle of the middle. Emilio realized that it was deep-fried beef. He
remembered what his parents had said about beef. Beef was made from cows
that were fed with steroids and gained at least 400 pounds in a month. He
also learned that half-cooked beef contained salmonella and E. coli. Emilio
nodded and declared that he was a vegetarian.
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After
the strange moving picture with the golden arches, the scene changed once
again. This time the screen depicted the words, "Free Plastic Surgery
to Chefs." Although Emilio did not know what plastic surgery was, he
understood the words, "Free ... to Chefs." Always the opportunist,
Emilio was immediately engrossed in this advertisement, soaking up all the
information it provided. He later learned that this scene was located in
an institute called the Plastice Surgerye Internationale. It was located
on Orion Lane in a country called The United States of America. "Oh
là là!" he exclaimed, jumping up for joy. But then he realized he
was not French. So he then exploded with an "EUREKA!" but
realized it was Latin.
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Emilio
then hopped onto a lorry and sped to the nearest airport, where a nice
shiny Concorde awaited him. It flew immediately to Orion Lane, at five
times the speed of sound. When he reached Plastice Surgerye Internationale,
Emilio used his chef's stick to tap the third brick on the fifth row of a
wall that stood between him and the amazing building that housed the
Plastice Surgerye Internationale. A magical arch
opened up! As he walked under the underway, Emilio unknowingly swiped tenth brick on the
curve of the arch with his stick. The area under the arch suddenly
changed, and Emilio realized that the area was actually a lift. And then he
realized that he was in The United States of America, where people
used
American English instead of England English. So he walked out of the lift
and went into the elevator, and waved goodbye to the truck. Recalling the instructions on the moving
picture, Emilio pressed a button labeled 'Penthouse'. The elevator began
rumbling downwards. Once he got up to the basement floor, where the
institute was located, Emilio was struck by an inspirational idea.
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"Why
not get plastic surgery?" he thought to himself. Shuffling around, he
managed to find a door labeled "Plastic Surgery." Emilio walked
in through the door and sat down on at a nearby chair. By his side, there was an extremely
scary lady with a hook and two eyes. The extremely scary lady smiled and got out a
plastic surgery thingy and started plastic surgerizing Emilio. A few
minutes later... Emilio became a WOMAN! All his masculinity was removed and replaced
by femininity. From this day forward, Emilio became Emily. Yay.
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