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Anjoola's Website Short Stories The Fat Woman
 

When finishing her daily, leisurely stroll, an extremely fat woman returns home and takes out two amazing objects. From these objects pop out even more amazing items...

An extremely large woman wobbled down the street. Her name? This will remain confidential until the authorities deem it necessary to reveal the name of this woman. Now the woman was on a diet (for she was so obese that her fat hung over the edges of her waist and her legs were so large that it was painful to walk), and had to eat grapefruits with grapes, grape juice, grape-cranberry pie and grape wine. She also had a daily routine of walking two meters a day. This reduced much of her weight, although she was still a couple of tons above her recommended weight.
 

During her leisurely strolls, the woman would take deep breaths and soak up her surroundings. However, since her neck was a bit large, her vision was limited to the sky and her nose. Thus she liked to wear pink shoes.
 

One day, the woman was on her 1.4537468746th meter, she looked up in the sky, and saw type-48 cloud. Now, like people who have different types of cars or cell phones, this woman had different types of clouds. Since she looked up for about twenty-six hours a day, there were many clouds to observe. She categorized many clouds; in fact, over five hundred of them. Type-1 to type-4 were the white puffy clouds that made you sleepy. Type-6 was the cloud that looked like a llama. Type-47 to type-126 were the clouds that were black to grayish in color; the clouds that poured dihydrogen-oxide onto unaware people. Type-249 to type-485 were the clouds that appeared during a hurricane or a tornado. Since she lived in Florida, the woman had seen many hurricanes, and dreaded them all.
 


 
Today's cloud was type-46, meaning it was the grayish cloud that made the sky dark and did not pour water, but was the cloud that was kind of puffy yet cyclone shaped. Shrugging, the woman finished the 0.5462531254 meters left of her walk, and stopped. Slipping off her shoes, the woman went into her house and took out some strange objects. These baubles shone with a brilliance matched only by Rigel and Einstein.
 

Suddenly - BOOM! These objects exploded to reveal something fantastic - a piece of poop. Now poop - back in the fat woman's day, was very valuable. For poop contained the basic necessities of the life of a mosquito's larvae, and it provided hours of delightful learning about the human excretory system. Followed by the poop came a strange object. It was rectanglish with grayish buttonishes with numberish and letterish numbers and letters inscribed on the buttonishes. On the top of the rectanglish thing was a reddish buttonish with a halfish circlish thingish with a linish coming out from the topish.

 
And there was a eraser. Since today was April 15th, which is the final day for taxes and Rubber Eraser Day, the eraser had an immense responsibility in ending this dumb story. So it did. With a great big swish, the eraser erased the entire second half of the half of the half of the story. All around the world people cheered as this tedious little story came to an end. From this day forward, this day became known as Thanksgiving Day.

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